It's quite alarming to realize that I am turning twenty in a few weeks. I feel like I have been a teenager for so long that I can't quite grasp the concept of being in the twenties. It's a little early to worry about, I know, but I still worry. A few days ago, my mother told me that I should start taking care of my skin. Here I am still dealing with acne and my mother tells me to prevent fine lines and wrinkles. I feel so overwhelmed. It's not the skincare or aging part that concerns me, but the growing up part. I feel useless and unprepared. I am nothing that my mother was at my age. I'm afraid that I won't become all the things that I had hoped to become. I used to throw out promises of a bright, great future because reality was so far away and anything was possible. Now it's approaching rapidly and here I am, lying in an unmade bed with nothing planned. I may not become anything at all. I may not be successful; I may not even find a job. It's scary to think that in less than ten years, I will have to consider building my own family.
I don't actively think about these thoughts on a daily basis, but they're always in the back of my mind. I feel like I am wasting my summer because I should be working towards my future. While I spend my day lying in bed, I tell myself that I should not relax. The truth of the matter is that I am never relaxed because even when doing nothing, I worry about something -- or nothing.
