Thursday, April 9, 2009
home easter weekend
Home this weekend. A little stressed out. Will write you a long email for sure Deb.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Spirited Away
"The film sees a sullen ten-year-old girl in the middle of her family's move to the suburbs wander into a world ruled by gods, witches, and monsters; where humans are changed into animals; and a bathhouse for these creatures. The major themes of Spirited Away center on the protagonist Chihiro and her liminal journey through the realm of the bathhouse of the gods."
Download: Spirited Away (right-click and save as .avi file)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I Have Not Been Thinking As of Late; I Have Not Been Living
I've attended a total of two classes in the past two weeks. I would like to say that I do not care and that I am living freely and enjoying life, but that is not the case. I am avoiding everything I don't want to face. The worse I feel about my current state, the less I feel inclined to do anything about it. I remember having momentary goals and desires. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going now. It's not that I used to really know, but that I used to care to know. Lately, I've stopped trying .
I haven't written in my journal. I haven't sat down quietly to think to myself. It is as if I have been avoiding my own thoughts. I used to be very honest with myself. I figured it was the least I could do. Now I occupy myself with people and trivial matters. I act upon impulse and then forget and move on. I always made mistakes before, but I thought about them afterward. I pondered my actions, thoughts, and intentions. As useless as it was, I wanted to find and define myself in a way. College, they say, is the place to find yourself. Then why is it that I feel like I have lost myself completely?
I can almost answer that question now that I am thinking about it. I dislike myself. I dislike myself very much at this point in life. I have come to a realization that there is nothing admirable or desirable about my character. I thought that my lack of values and virtues made me free, but I now see the flaw in that logic. I am fickle and weak. Any line I draw for myself I know I can cross. I let temptation lure me in because, really, what does it even matter? I don't believe in universal morality. I am never wrong because I am wrong, but because somewhere along the line, I miss out on being right. I live because I am alive.
Existentialism should make me feel better about myself, but the philosophy is too empty to satisfy my hunger.
I haven't written in my journal. I haven't sat down quietly to think to myself. It is as if I have been avoiding my own thoughts. I used to be very honest with myself. I figured it was the least I could do. Now I occupy myself with people and trivial matters. I act upon impulse and then forget and move on. I always made mistakes before, but I thought about them afterward. I pondered my actions, thoughts, and intentions. As useless as it was, I wanted to find and define myself in a way. College, they say, is the place to find yourself. Then why is it that I feel like I have lost myself completely?
I can almost answer that question now that I am thinking about it. I dislike myself. I dislike myself very much at this point in life. I have come to a realization that there is nothing admirable or desirable about my character. I thought that my lack of values and virtues made me free, but I now see the flaw in that logic. I am fickle and weak. Any line I draw for myself I know I can cross. I let temptation lure me in because, really, what does it even matter? I don't believe in universal morality. I am never wrong because I am wrong, but because somewhere along the line, I miss out on being right. I live because I am alive.
Existentialism should make me feel better about myself, but the philosophy is too empty to satisfy my hunger.