I forgot about my blog

I finished Persona 5 today, after logging in 100+ hours of gameplay.

And I graduate in a few weeks and maybe a job. Real life things.

I'm an ungrateful person

I constantly find myself unhappy and dissatisfied. The thought of other people always makes me feel guilty and unfulfilled. I'm ashamed of what a depressing person I truly am. I know I don't deserve all the fortunes in my life, yet I constantly take them for granted. I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me, but I feel lonely. I don't even deserve to feel that.

weighed down my life again

I constantly revert to my idle self. I avoid all responsibilities, including school, career, friends... I even avoid paying bills. When will I stop feeling compelled to do this? To do nothing?

I'm not unhappy. I feel much more productive when I feel some sort of strong emotion. I'm stupid when I'm miserable but I feel much more alive then. I think I prefer this stale state, but I'm not sure these months are being lived at all.

Is it okay to look back at your days, weeks, months and years and see nothing? Nothing to reflect on, nothing to grow from, nothing at all.

I waste my life watching reruns and I don't even remember the episodes.