incoherent thoughts

There are several lines to cross before the actual realization. Even as I write this, I know that I've yet to cross. I stare at it and have it reflect upon me. It's too cruel to realize it, I know. The closer I get to the truth, to myself, the further I move away from him. It has never been in my nature to think that love is infinite or magnificent. Yet being in love, in the form of confusion and happiness, I want to let myself fall into this love. I don't convince myself; there is no ground to stand on there. Instead, I avoid myself completely. I respond to romance, infatuation, words and hints. I respond and keep up as if running a race. I don't stop to ponder. I don't pause to see that even without running, the finish line approaches me. I know that love is not everlasting and doesn't need to be. I don't need love and part of me doesn't even want it. It is not as grand as we make it out to be. I'm not the only one to feel this way. He too, knows the truth. Is it love to lead each other on? Is that not what we do? He and I go on with our lives, smitten by each other. We promise each other happiness and eternal love. The cruel truth is that with or without each other, we will continue to feel happiness, sadness, pain, loneliness and emptiness. We dwell on moments of happiness and the security and comfort of the familiar. We spoil each other happy. Love, they say, is blind. Then the lovers' job is to blind each others ways.